nepal blog

ive started a blog for my trip to nepal ill put the link on my facebook page xxxxxx
I really really love you SJ and i always always will xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tired

I am so tired because i couldnt sleep on the plane xxxxxxx
I really miss SJ right now but i know that this time will fly by and im really looking forward to everything were doing xxxxxx I love you so so much babe but we will be together when i get back so we just need to cope xxxxxx
I have another plane journey now to get to our hotel xxxxxx

skip a day

I really wish i could have skipped today its just been awful
I get told that im not what the scouts were looking for in my football
My mates turn against me
My sisters still going on about how she wants to kill her self
and I got thrown of my bike by a car and cracked my ribs
and somthings wrong with SJ but she wont tell me what so much for opening up
so now im in complete agony and im upset and depressed
and SJ thinks im to busy for her
so my lifes slowing crashing down im proberly going to lose her when i thought everything was going good again and i just dont see the point to life right now and i see where staceys coming from
and to top it all off im a complete wreck and i cant stop crying

i knew it would be hard but not this hard

I knew that regaining SJs trust and proving that I deserved her would be hard but its so much harder then I even imagined I dont even know where to begin I'm being 100% honest with her but I always am and I dont know what else I can do but I just wish she didnt think I was going to let her down she seems to think that just because its hard I'm going to run away from it all when I'm seriously not I actully couldnt imagine my life without her but I'm still worried about losing her at the moment

I had the biggest football trial of my life today and I screwed it up. I couldnt focus all I could think about was how to sort things our with SJ and nothing I tried went right and I even injured my ankle so I had to come home early these things happen I guess but they always seem to happen to me I just cant focus on any off my sport I got told off in swimming because I couldnt concentrate and I just wish everything would just fall in to place

Thats me done
I love you SJ

new future

I dont know what to do ive lost the only person i want to be with and the only person ive truely wanted to be with xx
I know im never going to get her back and im not sure about anything anymore xxxx
The only thing i know is that i cant do anything that will remind me of her so thats the end of my football the end of my skype a complete change in fashion a complete new blog which ill put a link to next time round and a complete new facebook
Ill need new passwords and a new youtube
Ive never been in more pain i have lost the will to eat sleep or live and now im getting dragged out cause im not being trusted alone

long time

Its been along time since ive written my blog because not much has bee happening
Yesturday was abit of an off day i upset SJ and have never been more scared of losing her
Today were back to normal i really hope i can see her this summer and that shes free to come on our canal tour

perfect girlfriend

I am seriously happy right now ive got SJ my perfect girlfriend xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
and i really really love her i cant wait to see her xxxxxxxxxxxx

typical me

Great just when everything goes right i go and muck it up by being a stupid idiotic depressive arsehole
I just dont know why i even bother i dont know why SJ wants me i put her through hell
and she deserves so much better then me

I dont know how im even getting through my exam i just feeel like my life is tumbleing around me but i just feel bad about SJ because shes proberly feeling really bad now but she keeps it all in so as not to upset others and i know im an idiot for hurting her yet again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAol6Ej07X4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUH86YUpKYU

back to it

My leg is now fully better so i can get back into footy for our last two games this season and try and score over 7 goals to win us the cup

Me and SJ are amazing now and our future will be perfect
I love her so so much and i never want to be with anyone else

I rang my first quarter peal and i feel so proud of myself
Hopefully it will be the first of many and hopfully it will get easier

Skype

Today i got skype and its really good for a webcam chat with SJ and we can actully do video calls if we want now
I really really love her and we meant to be together
Were really getting better now were going really good and i cant wait for our future together
I cant wait to see her to be able to cuddle up and kiss her
I start my exams monday and im feeling quietly confident

I love you babe

Failure

Ive done it again as useal we go well and then i mess up somtimes i just wish my sister had left me in that fire it would make everyones lives so much easier
I love her but she doesnt deserve this and i dont deserver her im just a dick and a failure 
I just wish i could do somthing right for once with my track record of failures i see me failing my exams

thats all :/

good day

I had a really good day today we had a really good laugh at lunch watching adam try to do press ups
I really really love SJ and i miss her but ill be with her soon
We are really good now and im so happy
Shes perfect and all ive ever wanted

Not much else to say except im completely better now


I love you babe

reasurrence

My girlfriend is so so perfect and i really really can think of nothing better then spending the rest of my life with her. I really really love her and i just hope i can reasure her that she wont lose me and has no reason to be jealous, But it is reasonable for her to have doubts as i live so far away so i understand.

My health is on the up and im feeling confident about my exams now. I really cant wait to see SJ it will be amazing and perfect to spend time with her again and to be able to hug and kiss her

short post because im really tired

I love you my perfect princess
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pain

I really just cant stop all this pain erupting over my body i keep passing out
I just wish i was with SJ in her arms it would make everything so much easier and mangeable
I really love her and i cant wait to be with her
Were really good again and im just hoping i dont screw it up again
I really cant wait to get back to my sport but im in know state right now
And i might have brain damage but the doctors said it will be obvs in the next week so fun fun GCSES :/
I start next monday with my English Language part 1 and hour forty minutes of english

I love you babe
xxxxxxxxxxxx

good again

Me and SJ are good again we are sorting our problems out and i think shes happy now :)
I went for a picnic with mates today and then went to the cinema to watch Fast and Furious 5
I then ended up in hospital for the second time this weekend but this time to visit a friend whos
got bad burns and is on a life support machine i really hope he recovers but the doctors arent hopeful

I really really love you SJ and i always will im never leaving you because you mean the world to me
And i hope one day i can marry you and have a family because you make me so happy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Idiot

Just as we start going good again i make another mistake
I keep letting Elliot cause problems between us hes coming between us
And all the problems over the past few days have been my fault
Ive messed up and i know it i just dont know how to stop crying now
All i do in life is cause the people closest to me to leave me
I cant lose another importent person from my life
But i feel as if i will expecially if i carry on like this
I need to treat her better
Im sorry SJ

I Love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

New blog New path

I got bored of my old blog so i decided to write a new one
I have alot to write about firstly the good i had an amazing easter with SJ and enjoyed spending time with her
I have a trial for a new team on the first game of next season
My voice is coming back

Now the bad
I lost my cup final but hardly any of my team turned up so the 13-12 score line was good
My exams i really close now and im really stressing out everyone tells me i will do great but im worried
I had to go to A&E last night because i fell down some stairs at the cinema and cut my head open

Now the really really bad
Ive upset SJ so so much more then she will let in and i realise elliot is right
Im a dick, a bad boyfriend and dont deserve her i always hurt her
And everything that goes wrong in our realtionship is my fault and
Ill be lucky if SJ doesnt dump me and forgives me


I just hope the future gets better
And i get through my exams
And that me and SJ last

Thats all from me
I love you SJ xxxx