i knew it would be hard but not this hard

I knew that regaining SJs trust and proving that I deserved her would be hard but its so much harder then I even imagined I dont even know where to begin I'm being 100% honest with her but I always am and I dont know what else I can do but I just wish she didnt think I was going to let her down she seems to think that just because its hard I'm going to run away from it all when I'm seriously not I actully couldnt imagine my life without her but I'm still worried about losing her at the moment

I had the biggest football trial of my life today and I screwed it up. I couldnt focus all I could think about was how to sort things our with SJ and nothing I tried went right and I even injured my ankle so I had to come home early these things happen I guess but they always seem to happen to me I just cant focus on any off my sport I got told off in swimming because I couldnt concentrate and I just wish everything would just fall in to place

Thats me done
I love you SJ