i knew it would be hard but not this hard

I knew that regaining SJs trust and proving that I deserved her would be hard but its so much harder then I even imagined I dont even know where to begin I'm being 100% honest with her but I always am and I dont know what else I can do but I just wish she didnt think I was going to let her down she seems to think that just because its hard I'm going to run away from it all when I'm seriously not I actully couldnt imagine my life without her but I'm still worried about losing her at the moment

I had the biggest football trial of my life today and I screwed it up. I couldnt focus all I could think about was how to sort things our with SJ and nothing I tried went right and I even injured my ankle so I had to come home early these things happen I guess but they always seem to happen to me I just cant focus on any off my sport I got told off in swimming because I couldnt concentrate and I just wish everything would just fall in to place

Thats me done
I love you SJ

new future

I dont know what to do ive lost the only person i want to be with and the only person ive truely wanted to be with xx
I know im never going to get her back and im not sure about anything anymore xxxx
The only thing i know is that i cant do anything that will remind me of her so thats the end of my football the end of my skype a complete change in fashion a complete new blog which ill put a link to next time round and a complete new facebook
Ill need new passwords and a new youtube
Ive never been in more pain i have lost the will to eat sleep or live and now im getting dragged out cause im not being trusted alone

long time

Its been along time since ive written my blog because not much has bee happening
Yesturday was abit of an off day i upset SJ and have never been more scared of losing her
Today were back to normal i really hope i can see her this summer and that shes free to come on our canal tour

perfect girlfriend

I am seriously happy right now ive got SJ my perfect girlfriend xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
and i really really love her i cant wait to see her xxxxxxxxxxxx

typical me

Great just when everything goes right i go and muck it up by being a stupid idiotic depressive arsehole
I just dont know why i even bother i dont know why SJ wants me i put her through hell
and she deserves so much better then me

I dont know how im even getting through my exam i just feeel like my life is tumbleing around me but i just feel bad about SJ because shes proberly feeling really bad now but she keeps it all in so as not to upset others and i know im an idiot for hurting her yet again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAol6Ej07X4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUH86YUpKYU

back to it

My leg is now fully better so i can get back into footy for our last two games this season and try and score over 7 goals to win us the cup

Me and SJ are amazing now and our future will be perfect
I love her so so much and i never want to be with anyone else

I rang my first quarter peal and i feel so proud of myself
Hopefully it will be the first of many and hopfully it will get easier

Skype

Today i got skype and its really good for a webcam chat with SJ and we can actully do video calls if we want now
I really really love her and we meant to be together
Were really getting better now were going really good and i cant wait for our future together
I cant wait to see her to be able to cuddle up and kiss her
I start my exams monday and im feeling quietly confident

I love you babe